Dear Mom

You are a typical ignorant stupid vulgar American.

You embarrass the fuck out of me with your ignorance.

Why are you so stupid? How did you give birth to a son with average intelligence? I sometimes wonder if you are mildly retarded.

When I say I have average intelligence you say I brag about being a genius or something. No, it’s like I’m normal and not smart but you and many others in the family are dumber than dog shit. Having kids that you can’t take care of, entering pyramid schemes, I could go on.

You say I’m weird, but it’s more like I stick out in the family. Am I in jail? Have I been shot to death? Do I work a shit job because I have three kids I need to take care of? Am I acting passively aggressively to people who have it better than me?

No, I’m not. You should be proud. Your son is a human is a god damn family of monkeys.

Why the fuck did my ancestors decide to come to America? Were they retarded too?

Yeah, My Sister’s BF

Back in the 2000s Robin Finck, the guitarist for Nine Inch Nails and sometimes Guns and Roses, called my sister with a task he needed help with.

He needed to inventory and sell the stuff in his storage unit. This was like effect processors and guitar pedals.

My sister started doing it but had a breakdown where she couldn’t proceed. Her boyfriend at the time and presently was cheating on her so she couldn’t get it together.

So she didn’t do much help to Robin. This is a guy who has been pretty nice to her and maybe if she did this assignment it could have opened doors for a career.

Lindsay and her boyfriend drive Uber now. He lives with my Mom because he’s a “father” now. All he really did was stick his dick in my sister and now he gets to live in a nice neighborhood.

A big part of why I train Jiu-jitsu is because I’m going to tear this guy limb from limb with my bare hands.