End of 2019

I continue to try and become a better person every day.

I am trying to treat people with respect and acceptance. I try very hard not to react emotionally to criticism or outright aggression. Most of this is received from online sources such as Reddit or Facebook, but there have been a few times in Hawaii I had to just let something go or let something slide.

Empathy is something I work very hard to improve. I am always asking myself, “What does this look like from the perception of my mother?” or “How would this person feel about that?”

It’s hard. I fail sometimes. I fail big. I insult people on Facebook, particularly the Hawaiian Paradise Park group. It makes me feel better for just a little bit because I get so frustrated, but then after a while I regret it because it’s juvenile and petty.

Taking risks is something that terrifies me. When I do take risks I try very hard to calculate it to mitigate damage. However, at this point in my life, I think that if I am not taking pure risks then I am missing out on a lot in my existence. I have been terrified to go into the workforce, for instance, but if I don’t the quality of my life might not what I want. My options too limited. So I have been trying like hell to find gainful employment I could be proud of.

Anger is something I suffer from a lot of time. I am an angsty millennial who maybe sees life as stacked against me. I am trying to stay away from the news, Trump-hating, and being resentful towards the upper-class establishment. I don’t want to resent anyone!

Next year I will continue to be better than the last, and so on. Ever striving in the path of the Overman, never to reach his exalted heights but in the process improving myself on the individual level.

Mass Death Does Not Move Me

I’ve reached a point of my life where most humans might as well be paper cut out dolls.

What I mean is I find them all too common and alike. It’s a bit boring and droll.

Aspects of people’s lives just seem identical and interchangeable. Are these people really alive?

Everyone drives a stupid pickup truck. Everyone is vaping with the latest vaporizers. Whole groups of people are indistinguishable from one other.

So, if people die in the destruction of a building, or if they get caught up in a mass killing which is inevitable in this day and age… Why should I care too much?

The Fate of Really Stupid People

To me, stupidity is a grievous sin. That’s one thing Satanism and I agree upon.

I read headlines like “Faith Healers Sentenced to Prison for Killing Their Children Through Neglect” or “Child Dies of Diabetes Because Took Child to Chiropractor Instead of Medical Physican.”

I have seen it a lot in my own life as well.

Let me first say that everyone is stupid at times, myself included. The stupidity I refer to is definitely a pattern and its the willfulness to think and act stupidity with very little attempt at self-improvement. It makes me think that people are born really stupid and just can not help it.

Aside from being really stupid, my stepfather was very cruel and malicious as well. It is my belief that stupid people will phase themselves out of existence and in many times many horrible ways. My stepfather died one of the worst deaths imaginable, a slow painful death where his entire being just withered away.

See, there are these boxes on Marlboro cigarettes, at least in America. They are warnings about the ill health risks associated with smoking. In Europe and Asia they are even more pronounced with pictures of people with holes in their necks. When you smoke you are giving your informed consent about what these things will do to you. Not surprisingly, many people still smoke.

Eventually, my stepfather was eating out of his stomach. Then he had an iron halo put around the crown of his head with screws in head included. He could no longer eat and he dropped weight. I’m sure he was in chronic pain. He couldn’t enjoy the small everyday things in life like eating, drinking, or just being without pain and discomfort. This went on for about a decade before he finally died.

This is a man who hated doctors, didn’t believe in global warming, and treated me like a piece of shit because I did not agree with the Afghan or Iraq war. He saw no benefit in higher learning. He used to say things like “Oh, which party ended slavery? The Republicans.” Of course, historians would point out that the Republican party in the time of Lincoln does not resemble the modern day party, but people like him are more focused on simple labels than the specifics.

One time my mother and stepfather video called me in the middle of the night and chastised me for being asleep. I was in Thailand and they were in Hawaii, so of course, there’s going to be a major time difference. It’s like the concept of time zones and the light hitting the globe and different levels was beyond them.

I have to mention that despite the horrendous way my stepfather died my mother still smokes. I love her very much and I wish she would stop.

Currently, my sister and her boyfriend do not vaccinate their children. They believe it is harmful technology. Her boyfriend believes the earth is flat and NASA is run by Nazis. I get scared because I love my niece and nephew so much and my worst nightmare is the parents Darwin Awarding their own children.

According to The Psychopath’s Bible you should see everyone as heading on a path of self-destruction, which is what they secretly want. That is true to some degree but what causes the anxiety is seeing loved ones doing so and not being able to stop them.

I am not special. I am not intelligent. But at least I am able to see the common sense in not smoking or taking major vaccinations. I do not want to see loved ones make majorly bad life choices and pay the consequences. I didn’t want to see my stepfather in the shape he was despite everything.

However, people like this are going to phase themselves out and their gene pool as well. Maybe this is nature. Maybe this is Darwinism.


Everyone peaks at different times.

Look at Heather Locklear or George Clooney.  It took them until the age of 40 to really hit their stride.

I suppose a lot of people have a good run from the time they are around 18 to maybe age 25 or 30 and then it’s all downhill for them.

I do not think that I fit in that category.  And I think many people do not, so if you are reading this and have anxiety about turning middle age then please do not despair.  Our stars still burn bright.

What Backs Bitcoin?

First, I want to say that I’m not a fan of the Central Banks.  I would love it if Jamie Dimon and his ilk were hung up from every telephone pole in the nation.

That said, I’m not sure if Bitcoin is the Silver Bullet to kill the behemoth which is the central banking system.

In 2011 I bought Bitcoin for around $71 each.  Fast forward to present day and now everyone knows about Bitcoin and it is featured in the news.

I have used BTC to buy illicit goods from dark markets.  I could use it to buy legal stuff but presently not many vendors sell legal stuff in exchange for BTC.  Furthermore, my debit card handles transactions more efficiently and with more added protections than Bitcoin.  Actually, I’m not sure there are any protections with Bitcoin.  After a while, I realized that personally, Bitcoin is really only good for buying illicit goods or getting through censorship like the debacle with Wikileaks donations.

I am not sure about the intrinsic value of Bitcoin.  Some people would say the network or the math that goes behind processing each transaction.  BTC is using a large amount of electricity.  I am starting to think that the value of Bitcoin is tied to the belief that it will increase in the future.

Some people think that Bitcoin is going to hit $200,000 to $1,000,000 dollars.  Other people like The Dollar Vigilante, the faux-anarchist, believe that is going to result in the end of the Nation State.  My cousin believes that the United States stock market is going to tank to zero and that the only asset worth anything will be Bitcoin.

My point is the value is purely speculative.  I treated this as a gamble and an experiment.  I know that a significant amount of people are investing money they can not afford to lose into this technology.

I am not sure how much Bitcoin is going to be worth in the future.  However, I get really annoyed when I talk to people who “know” the value of Bitcoin in the future.  When they start opening up their mouths it seems like just another pump and dump pyramid scheme that has ever come along.  Talking to these people is like addressing religious fanatics.

Why Am I No Longer Conservative Anymore

At the tender age of twelve, I identified myself as a Conservative and right-wing Republican.  See, I was watching Orange County television every night.  I tuned in to see Wally George, a precursor to the modern day Bill O’ Reilly and Sean Hannity.

I was very impressionable at this page.  I would watch Wally bash homosexuals, proponents of marijuana, and basically anyone who disagreed with Reagan-esque America #1 type politics.  I would chant “SICK SICK SICK” along with his drunken audience.

At the time I was attended Robert Fulton Middle School which is full of minorities.  There was a large latin and black gang presence at the school.  I basically thought I was going to school with future criminals, and to be honest I probably was.

Basically, I had a lot of frustration and other people seemed like a scapegoat.

Later as I was exposed to different people I eventually grew out of this phase.  Of course by the time college arrived I was more independent-minded and less likely to identify with conservatives and their rhetoric.

However, I think my experience at twelve years old gives insight into how the modern day conservative thinks and what the motivations are behind their views.

I can’t be conservative because I really that life is not a simple black and white anymore.  As a matter of fact, nothing in life is really that binary.  Even nature and gender does not cut things right down the middle often mixing the different sexes with each other.  It’s humans who created this dichotomy of pure male and pure female.

I definitely use cannabis, am for equal rights for women, and am accepting of homosexuality.

My views are more science based on studies, data, and statistics.  I am not hyper-nationalistic like a lot of conservatives.  As far as other minorities go I at least can understand a little better the predicament of the neighborhoods and the people in the past I had so much disdain towards.

I can not be a conservative because it’s basis is in rhetoric which is not readily proven by facts.  Even worse, I believe most of their beliefs come from the Christian Bible!

I do believe that most conservatives have a very low intellect.  Thankfully my intellect grew as the years went by and I was able to rationalize my way out of conservatism.

Finally, I have to say the spectrum of different people I have encountered throughout the years has kept me away from conservatives.  I have learned that there is no one superior culture or outlook on life.  Conservatism requires you to fear the other and become very xenophobic.  I usually find that people heavily steeped in conservatism also happen to be very racist or have a problem with certain groups in society.

I have evolved past conservative rhetoric.  I think most other conservatives have had their growth blunted.  Perhaps their emotional and intellectual abilities stopped developing around adolescence.  I’m not sure.

Looking back at the past I was a chimpanzee or a monkey.  Perhaps I was a one-celled creature without even a brain.  Today I look at myself and see myself striving close to Ubermensch.  Not quite there, but evolved past a large segment of society where few people get to make it on their journey.