In Defense of Myself

Yeah okay, I admit. My sibling and my cousins pretty much hate me.

It started with my cousin and with the family herd mentality eventually they found reasons, meaningful or otherwise, to cut me out. I attribute it more to mob mentality than anything.

I made a Facebook post in 2010 saying that if I had children that repeated corporate slogans I would take them out to the woods and shoot them in the back of the head. This was a “Of Mice and Men” literary reference so I’m not surprised most of my family didn’t get it. None of them read or are well read.

What did happen was that my cousin took it to mean that I would shoot her kids. I mean, it’s a bit of stretch. Anyways, we haven’t talked much since.

There were other things on Facebook that annoyed her like when I went to Hawaii and was writing about how people in Los Angeles are animals. Admittedly, I did write FB posts like “oink” or “shit smell.” Probably because I slept the night around dirty diapers and smelled shit all throughout the entire night.

Plus, sometimes I would get up early in the morning to do stuff and she didn’t like that. I would be ironing my clothes for a job interview or extra work and she would barge in, have me dismantle the whole thing, wait for her to do whatever she was doing, and then I would have to put it back up again. It’s like if my life was anything other than letting my Grandmother take me to Cheesecake Factory than I was shitty.

My other cousin was living with us at the time and I remember a morning-time conversation where my cousin was saying “We were just extras” like it was a waste of our time, or frankly I don’t know other than it was definitely in a negative connotation.

I think the whole kicking me out for my Facebook post was more making a mountain out of a molehill so there would be more space for her upcoming third child. See, she lived (and still lives) in a cramped house with her then husband and children. This is aside from my Aunt and her husband.

My Grandmother is dying but even now I have to make special arrangements to see her because my cousin controls that house even though she probably doesn’t pay the mortgage.

I also want to mention that most of my family is extremely reactive, ignorant, and perhaps not even that bright.

Once, while living in Thailand I posted a picture of a Thai guy wearing a swastika rainbow shirt that said “Nazi.” My one cousin flipped out like, “How could you post that!?” and one of my FB friends even responded first like “This dude is obviously not a white supremacist and you need to chill out.” Not to mention you see that symbol all around China and Vietnam because believe it or not that is ASIAN in origin, not German and not Nazi. Well, he cut me out.

I was asking my other cousin (there’s another post with the chat capture) what the merits of Bitcoin were. I was explaining to him that I consider it an experiment at best and never an investment. I asked him multiple times, “What backs Bitcoin?” Instead of answering the question he decided to attack me personally saying, “What’s the value of you? You need to be happy. Why are you so miserable?” Well, he cut me out for asking it over and over again. Ironically, someone hacked his Bitcoin and I’m guessing he lost 100k plus and needs to find a job as a Systems Administrator again.

Most people have heard of FaceApp the phone app where you can take a picture and it will make you a baby, make you young, make you old, and make you the opposite sex. I decided to try it out and have it as my WhatsApp profile picture. One of my religious looney Uncles messaged me saying along the lines of “What is that? That’s gay shit. You better not be playing with makeup.”

My sister is anti-vax with a boyfriend who believes the world is flat. I asked her if she knew about the theory that not vaccinating children puts other people at risk. There is a past blog post about this. She straight up doesn’t give a fuck. Eventually she cut me off too.

So… I’ve been cut off and am a pariah to my family. Is it that bad? Well, when I write all this stuff out it kind of seems like a badge of honor to be honest. If I’m a pariah it probably means that I’m more sensible and rational. I don’t live around shit. If I see a symbol like a swastika I don’t have a knee-jerk reaction but can rationalize what I see internally. I don’t have religious hangups about using a phone app that will turn me into a woman.

My mother always makes me feel like I have the problems. The truth is I’m probably more in the center of the bell curve when it comes to general intelligence and rationality and a good portion of my family is below that bell-curve.

The Fate of Really Stupid People

To me, stupidity is a grievous sin. That’s one thing Satanism and I agree upon.

I read headlines like “Faith Healers Sentenced to Prison for Killing Their Children Through Neglect” or “Child Dies of Diabetes Because Took Child to Chiropractor Instead of Medical Physican.”

I have seen it a lot in my own life as well.

Let me first say that everyone is stupid at times, myself included. The stupidity I refer to is definitely a pattern and its the willfulness to think and act stupidity with very little attempt at self-improvement. It makes me think that people are born really stupid and just can not help it.

Aside from being really stupid, my stepfather was very cruel and malicious as well. It is my belief that stupid people will phase themselves out of existence and in many times many horrible ways. My stepfather died one of the worst deaths imaginable, a slow painful death where his entire being just withered away.

See, there are these boxes on Marlboro cigarettes, at least in America. They are warnings about the ill health risks associated with smoking. In Europe and Asia they are even more pronounced with pictures of people with holes in their necks. When you smoke you are giving your informed consent about what these things will do to you. Not surprisingly, many people still smoke.

Eventually, my stepfather was eating out of his stomach. Then he had an iron halo put around the crown of his head with screws in head included. He could no longer eat and he dropped weight. I’m sure he was in chronic pain. He couldn’t enjoy the small everyday things in life like eating, drinking, or just being without pain and discomfort. This went on for about a decade before he finally died.

This is a man who hated doctors, didn’t believe in global warming, and treated me like a piece of shit because I did not agree with the Afghan or Iraq war. He saw no benefit in higher learning. He used to say things like “Oh, which party ended slavery? The Republicans.” Of course, historians would point out that the Republican party in the time of Lincoln does not resemble the modern day party, but people like him are more focused on simple labels than the specifics.

One time my mother and stepfather video called me in the middle of the night and chastised me for being asleep. I was in Thailand and they were in Hawaii, so of course, there’s going to be a major time difference. It’s like the concept of time zones and the light hitting the globe and different levels was beyond them.

I have to mention that despite the horrendous way my stepfather died my mother still smokes. I love her very much and I wish she would stop.

Currently, my sister and her boyfriend do not vaccinate their children. They believe it is harmful technology. Her boyfriend believes the earth is flat and NASA is run by Nazis. I get scared because I love my niece and nephew so much and my worst nightmare is the parents Darwin Awarding their own children.

According to The Psychopath’s Bible you should see everyone as heading on a path of self-destruction, which is what they secretly want. That is true to some degree but what causes the anxiety is seeing loved ones doing so and not being able to stop them.

I am not special. I am not intelligent. But at least I am able to see the common sense in not smoking or taking major vaccinations. I do not want to see loved ones make majorly bad life choices and pay the consequences. I didn’t want to see my stepfather in the shape he was despite everything.

However, people like this are going to phase themselves out and their gene pool as well. Maybe this is nature. Maybe this is Darwinism.

Family Pains

I don’t get along with many members of my family.  Specifically my one sibling and pretty much all my cousins.

And that’s okay…

I think anyone with unconventional beliefs and opinions is going to run into opposition with the common person.  My family is as common as it gets.  Throw on top of that the inability to tolerate certain ideas and the exaggeration and misinterpreting of things I say and that is just a recipe for disaster.

I learned the hard way it is not a good idea to have these people on my Facebook.  I am not the person to just post pictures of food and my children all day long.  I like reading my friends’ posts that are provocative and make me think or inform me, even if they go against my personal morals or beliefs.  In turn, I like to post what I find interesting and worth talking about as well as blowing off steam sometimes.  I know that lesser tolerant and more reactive people will take things personally.

Like when I say, “I’m going to shoot my kids in the back of the head in the forest for repeating corporate slogans” a smaller minded person is going to think “Oh no, he’s going to shoot MY kids.”  Never mind the reference to Of Mice and Men or the fact that I’m talking about myself, since some people are so self-absorbed of course I’m always talking about them no matter what.  When I say, “If I had children I would have never been able to fly out to South East Asia, live there, and have the best time of my life” I’m obviously saying your kids suck.

I love my family.  Let’s get that straight right off the bat.  But many are religious to the point of irrationality.  Some hold right-wing beliefs.  Many have chosen to have unplanned children before establishing a career or education.  Your basic salt of the Earth apple-pie Americans.  

If I knew then what I know today I probably would have kept every one of them off my social media and just emailed about the weather all day long.

I don’t really like watching what I say.  It entails that I have to assume that almost everyone I interact with is an ape incapable of hearing something they make not like.  I have been this way since college and I’ll continue being this way the rest of my life.  

It’s So Hard to Love You

I want to say that I try very hard to actually love Hawaii.  I wish I could love Hawaii.  I wish I could like Hawaii.

My family has a heritage and history here.  My grandparents were raised here.  It’s the main location my family goes on vacation.  A lot of the women in my family hula dance.  I have cousins with Hawaiian blood.

That being said, I don’t love Hawaii.  Sorry, I just don’t love it.  I never really could.